Have ’em show you the Navigator comfort bike series. You can get a Navigator 300 for about 300 bucks. It’s not a fast bike, but you can ride centuries on it.
It has a suspension seatpost (that doesn’t do a whole lot of good) and a suspension stem that absorbs some road shock. More important than the accessories will be getting a bike that fits you. Until you get a fair number of miles on your bottom, though, you’ll feel every pebble and bump no matter how soft the saddle or springy the suspension.
I’m not exactly sure what looks dorky, nor do I care (which probably means that I are one.) If it feels good and you like it, who cares what it / you look like?