Avoid This Bike Lock with Alarm

Front of Package: Bike Lock with Alarm - 120 Decibel Alarm

Cycling tourists believe that one or more of three things should be on your bicycle at all times if you expect to keep it: your hand, your butt or a strong lock. One of the phreds mentioned seeing an interesting cable lock at The Graveyard Mall, a site that says it’s “where high prices go to die.”

It was supposed to have an eight-foot plastic-covered cable with a 120db alarm. All for ONLY $9.99 each, plus shipping.

How could you go wrong with that? I was in for five: two for a buddy at work, one for me and one for each of my two sons. It all came to $59.94.

Graveyard Mall doesn’t have the fastest shipping, so I had almost forgotten that I had ordered the things when a big box showed up. I ripped it open to find the locks safely protected in those blister packs that cut you all to pieces while you’re trying to extract the innards.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

The front of the package promises that the lock will scream when cable is cut. The back is equally persuasive. That eight-foot cable looks like it’ll go around everything you own, if you believe the pictures. Oops. looks like the 9-volt battery to make it work isn’t included. Go dig around for a battery.

Package Back - An eight-foot cable sure goes a long way in the photo.

Unwrap the cable, stick it in a hole in the front and turn on the key. Wiggle cable around.

Yep, I have to admit, it’s loud. Nearly four-year-old grandson covers his ears and says, solemnly, “Granddad, I don’t like that noise.”

The only catch is that it doesn’t take much wiggling to make it sound off. Wind swinging it around would be enough to do it.

What makes it work and how secure is it?

Well, to be honest, the most effective part of the lock is the big sticker on the front that says 120 Decibel Alarm because the cable would be easy to cut and it wouldn’t take much to pull it out from behind the light-weight hook that holds it to the body of the device. The alarm sounds if the metal pin at the end of the cable pulls away from a contact.

The cable's end is captured by plastic hook.The device is bulky, the cable is wrapped around the body of the lock and secured with a clip and it’s easily ripped apart. The alarm WOULD sound, but I’d be way down the road by the time you heard it go off. And, once the cable is pulled out from behind the flimsy plastic hook, you could unwrap it from around the item like pulling a belt out of a pair of pants. You can get a sense of the size by looking at the dollar bill in the background.

The plastic-coated lock is about the length and width of a dollar bill and a heck of a lot thicker.Graveyard Mall gave me an RMA to return the locks, but I see in the fine print that they’ll only refund my money if the package is unopened. If it’s defective, they’ll only replace it with a like item. I would consider the whole design concept defective, but getting a new one won’t solve that problem.

Anybody out there want this one? I’ll ship it to the first person who’s interested for the cost of postage.

Bike Shorts Must Be Worn at All Times

Lio by Mark Tatulli: Welcome to Hades; Bike Shorts Must Be Worn at All Times

If Mark Tatulli’s Lio is right and this means there are bikes in hell, my afterlife is looking up. On the downside, I’d prefer bibs to shorts.

Speaking of Hell and Bike Bibs…

Pearl Izumi Slice UltraSensor Bib Short - BusticatedThis weekend, I wore through the Pearl Izumi Slice UltraSensor Bib Shorts that I just bought last month. With just five outings and 153 miles on them, these should not have worn out.

By the end of my short ride Saturday, the insides of my thighs had been rubbed raw where the fabric developed holes. I’m still walking funny today. Ouch!

It is a good thing Mark Cavendish wasn’t wearing this bib on his winning 232-kilometer trek from Cholet to Châteauroux in the Tour de France. He may not have made it across the finish line before his crotch fell out.

The last bib I had was worn for two years and nearly 1,100 miles. I’m hoping this was just a spurious anomaly in the Pearl Izumi manufacturing process. My experience with Pearl Izumi has been good and their bike clothes have held up very well. So, I’m going to take another swing at this bib — for the few miles I did wear them, they worked very well.

Fortunately, Performance Bike has a great, 100% satisfaction return policy. So, I’m going to send these back and pick up a new pair. I’ll let you know how the next pair works out for me.

If the second Pearl Izumi pair fails as quickly, I’m going to give the Performance Bike branded line of shorts (Ken’s bike bib review) another look.

—Matt

I’m Living With a Blonde Joke

Face on Mango Tree

I was sitting at the dinner table, snacking on a fresh mango off the tree in our back yard, when I heard The Other Half (TOH) say something about finding some typos on PBBT.

I told her I’d give her edit access so she could correct them, but she said she’d just make notes and I could fix them later.

Now here’s a confession: Kid Matt set up this site and wanted to salt it with content, so he took a bunch of messages I’d posted to cycling newsgroups, boiled down the info and stuck them in the archives, figuring I’d either flesh them out or delete them when I had time to catch up.

Don’t get me wrong, Matt has great verbal skills and a wonderful writing style. But TOH said, when he was in about the third grade, that “this is a kid who is going to need a job high enough up the food chain to have a secretary to clean up his prose.”

When I finished my mango, here’s what greeted me.

I immediately thought of the proverbial blonde who had to buy a new computer monitor, because the old one was covered with so much correction fluid that she couldn’t see anymore.

So, do I fix this blizzard of pink, or do I do what our newspaper does?

I’m headed down Retirement Lane, so I’m going to let you in on a secret about the newspaper business: we’re perfect. Every reporter gets every fact right, every word is spelled correctly and no editor ever screws that up. Nobody in the composing room ever gets the picture of the mayor and the picture of the city’s new garbage cans mixed up. The sports scores never have the wrong team winning and the carriers never pitch your paper in a puddle.

Never.

So, what’s the problem? Focus groups told us that there are some folks who aren’t happy unless they can find fault. Perfection doesn’t let them feel superior.

Solution: we hire an editor whose sole job is to sit in a dark corner with bucket of spare punctuation and nonsense words that he flings willy-nilly into the copy to change otherwise perfect stories into something, a little less than perfect, for those pickers of nits.

The average reader, thankfully, generally doesn’t notice – or care. After all, slay and sleigh both get across the idea that some thug has been taken on a ride to that great garbage pail in the sky, gone beyond the pale, so to speak.

OK, I’ll make the changes. I just have to go out and buy a new computer monitor first.

What Do You Need to be Safe on a Bike?

My Google News bicycle search grabbed a mostly favorable piece from the Fort Scott (KS) Tribune this morning. It was a collection of tidbits from the Kansas Department of Transportation and contained a “helmet saved her life” anecdote.

Adam Arnold, 14, of Fort Scott, demonstrates the proper use of bicycle safety equipment including the use of a helmet, elbow pads and knee pads while riding his bike Wednesday afternoon in downtown Fort Scott. Rayma Silvers/ Tribune Photo

At the top of the story was a picture, “Adam Arnold, 14, Fort Scott demonstrates the proper use of bicycle safety equipment including the use of a helmet, elbow pads and knee pads while riding his bike Wednesday afternoon in downtown Fort Scott.”

Oh, by the way, they were riding on a sidewalk, which is more dangerous than being in the street.

Safe or silly?

Here are the comments I sent to the paper:

I wish you had posted the part of the KDOT site that says that bicycles have all the rights and responsibilities of a vehicle. (And, yes, I acknowledge that there are a lot of jerks on two wheels who don’t respect the last part of that sentence, just like there are a lot of jerks perched on four wheels.)

And, while it’s courteous to not let traffic back up behind any slow-moving vehicle, whether it’s a tractor, 18-wheeler going up a grade or a bicycle, none of those vehicles is required by law to dive for a ditch just because someone behind wants to go faster.

Here is why I wear a helmet.

Bike Helmets: Magic Foam Hats

On the other hand, magic foam hats are like parachutes: you only need one when something has gone tragically wrong – and wearing one doesn’t always mean that you won’t get hurt.

Your picture of the two kids riding with all the protective gear raises two questions:

1. Do their parents make them wear all that garb when they’re in the car, where they are much more likely to be injured?

2. Do they know that they are more likely to be involved in a crash on the sidewalk because cars coming out of driveways and at intersections aren’t looking for things moving at faster than walking speeds. (Arguably, I could have ended that sentence after “looking.”)

This isn’t an anti-car, anti-helmet rant. I’m just pointing out that bikes have a place on the road and that we all have to watch out for each other.

Super Colliding and Super Cycling in France

ScienceNews Magazine Cover, July 2008This month’s issue of Science News features an article on the Large Hadron Collider. The eight billion dollar collider is being used to see what the big bang looked like and to find out if Albert Einstein was actually smart.

Tour de France Above, Science Below

Science is all well and good but what caught my eye was the guy on the cover next to the accelerator; the guy riding his bicycle to get around the underground labyrinth. While the Tour of France’s peloton is cranking across the country, scientists are cranking along the 27 kilometer tunnel many meters below the surface on bikes. Good for them!

Over 100 Years and Still Recognizable

While science today would be unrecognizable today to the scientists of a hundred years ago, the bicycle is still basically unchanged.

The bicycle was invented in the mid- to late-1800s. While materials have changed substantially over the years, the basic bike concept has changed little. Johan Smith from 1885 could ride a bike from 2008 without any additional instruction. The same couldn’t be said about Johanna Smith being able to turn on a modern day kitchen stove.

Your Mechanical Challenge

Here is your challenge: come up with a common household machine that was invented prior to 1890, is still used today and whose current incarnation could be used by someone from 1890 without additional training.

—Matt